GemWing's back, comrades. In truth, I never really lost her; it's just that I kept her presence deep down within my heart.

I guess that since she is a part of my personality, I can never truly lose her, UNLESS Fate decides to make me forget about her completely. I hope that never occurs, for I might be less than complete if I lose her.

Thinking about others is always a difficult task to perform, and thinking in two personalities is even TOUGHER.

Anyway, for the support that some people have shown during those trying times, I sincerely thank you all.

I'm not out of the woods though; there's still a lot to worry about. Wish me luck.

Oh, and on an unrelated note, Dhora's birthday is coming up soon, so do wish her a Happy Birthday. (and yes, Miss Dhora, many regards of the day to you, once it comes, I mean....^_^;;;)

Seems that since GemWing has lived without me for a brief amount of time, I now have to cope without her by my side. And all I had to do was merely isolate her for a brief moment.

Seems also that my desire for living has also diminished to a certain extent. It seems much more difficult to awaken my mind from the deadening pull of jadedness. And I've wasted too much time doing useless things; too much activity, not much PRODUCTIVITY.

GemWing's advice, counsel, and discipline are what I may need to stay focused, and SURVIVE. Assuming she returns in time.

Saviour-V falls to his knees, his head in his hands, as an alarm sounds out the following warning:

TIMER SET. MIND DETONATION WILL OCCUR ON SEPTEMBER 22ND, 2004.

As you will later observe, I have added a new link. The Castlevania Dungeon is where I've picked up my new music.

Planet Mega Man has been cutting albums off its site to conserve bandwidth.

And what about me, you might ask? Well, I'm a bit swamped with that Final Year Project, but I'm still alive to tell the tale. Hope I stay that way...^_^;;

Current Music: "Cross A Fear - Stage 2'" (Dracula X: The Rondo Of Blood - Track 05, Disc 1). This tune never made it to the Konami's SNES hit Super Castlevania V, a.k.a. Dracula's Kiss. Quite an interesting theme, this.

Age is one thing that keeps catching up to us. Unless we make the most of it, we are the ones who'll ultimately lose to it. So don't cherish your birthdays for too long; another year's just passed you by, and another one's just started.

That aside, my own birthday's coming up. I've gotten a few things prior to it though - a new Acer notebook and a 128 MB memory stick. Those items should help me immensely with my project work, and a few extra things on the side...^_^;;

Insya-Allah, things should improve a bit round here.

Oh, and if anyone's interested, I'll be 24 this March 7th. Well-wishes and presents are welcome, everything else, well....we'll see.

OK, gentlemen, if you will now direct your attention to the left-hand side of this blog, you will now see a set of links.

Miss Ayshy is going to get rather angry at me for stealing her code...

Saviour-V grins as he twirls a floppy disk on his right index finger...

...but I have my reasons. In other words, I haven't touched HTML in quite a while, but the nature of the Net allows me to pick off anything I lack. Knowledge is power, and there are many ways of acquiring it...^_^;;

And as you can tell, Blood Phoenixes are a rare lot. Rare in terms of blogging, and rarer still in the information that they may possess. You never know what you might obtain from them. But ask wisely, and your requests may be granted.

Current Music: "Our Blood Boils - VS Sigma 1st" (Rockman X7 Original Soundtrack - Track 18). Blame it on Nitro's pseudo-rock image...^_^;;

Still in Bukit Jalil at the moment. Trying hard to figure out Java from the lecturer's faulty code...^_^;;

And there's less than a week before that assignment, another one, and a Project Proposal Form, are all due.

Tough run, this. But, I've got to get through it, no matter what.

Current Music: "Code Crush", by Rina Aiuchi (Rockman X7 Theme Singles - Track 2). The intro to the Japanese version of Mega Man X7. Good music, not so good game, unfortunately....>_<;;;

The usual place for this tune, and MORE!

I have returned.

Previously, GemWing informed you all of my previous absence from this place.

In truth, each of us has a certain reason for living, but there are times when this reason (which later becomes a conviction over time) is shaken by its roots, which forces us to question it.

That is what occurred. Thankfully, the situation is more or less resolved, thank Allah.

Of course, I can't let my guard down; I'll have to increase my efforts to make this year a very good one.

To those who commented in my Tag-board, I sincerely thank you for the encouragement. To the one who talked to me, your words were chosen wisely, and I thank you for them. To my parents, I hope Allah blesses you both, and I also hope that He will allow me to continue receiving your valuable lessons on life, whether specific or general.

To those that have previously doubted, scorned, or insulted me, directly or indirectly, I thank you. For your words may have a ring of truth to them, but even if they do not, at least I know how NOT to address your needs. If you meant well, may Allah bless you; if not, may Allah forgive you.

After all, we only have ONE life on this Earth, and there are no specific manuals on Life itself, so we just have to live our lives by the day, for today, for our future.

GemWing teleports in...

Ladies and gentlemen, please excuse Saviour-V for not showing up today.

At this very moment, he's trying to answer a few questions concerning his life, and his true reason for living. For the past few nights, he has been searching for that reason, by going online, but even I know that he may not find it.

He has confided to me that he is worried about losing his sanity, and in the process, me.

I'm worried about him. I hope that he remains intact.

For if he fails to realize that reason, he may not be able to continue life as effectively as he should.

Oh, and to Miss Dhora, although I'm a bit jealous of you and him, do find some time to counsel him. Perhaps that could help him.

GemWing teleports out...

Just about leaving APIIT's computer labs now. Want to know why?

This is why.

This will effectively remove 10 years off your life unless you know how to get out of the place.

Good luck!

Still intact after today's affairs. A bit loopy, but intact.

Sometimes, loopiness helps. Take the second post below this one, for example. You've got a call for awareness round there. A sort of wake-up call, for those willing to listen.

And sometimes loopiness can have NASTY results. The post just below this one is one such example. At that, you'd think I'd know better than to post on things like that.

But I think that both posts illustrate the parts of my humanity. What makes me human. In as much as I would like to be an equal to God himself, I realize that only He has the right to his position.

He created us with certain strengths and weaknesses, to allow us to understand ourselves before attempting to understand others and Him Himself (that's no typo, there). If he created us with full perfection, we would not learn much from that.

He created us to be human. Neither angels nor animals. However, depending on our actions, we may either be able to surpass His angels, or be MUCH WORSE than animals.

Although we humans have a tendency to disregard God for material science and proof, at the end of the day, we cannot run from the realization that He is always around. And yet, some of us still try, but these attempts are futile. For NO one can disregard the presence of God (regardless who you believe in), no matter how much we attempt to deny His existance.

Current Music: "Ciel's Memory _ Truth of Hero" (Rockman Zero: Remastered - Track 22). It's a drama track this time. Think of Rockman Zero as an anime this time.

Add-on to the previous post:

Check this link:

The Guardian's 2003 Blog Awards.

...and check out the entry on a certain Belle de Jour (CAUTION: EXPLICIT CONTENT!).

Everyone's got a story to tell, a standpoint of life seen best from a different / skewed point of view.

Because we humans are unique, and uniformity can be quite BORING...^_^;;

Current Music: "Spark and Shadow ~Power Plant Stage~" (Rockman X Arranged - Track 7). Not too bad on the relaxation factor, this.

Go here:

The Rockman / Mega Man Soundtrack Archive.

First round of lectures for today.

Developing Interactive Multimedia, by Mr. Sugumaran (I met him a long time back), and Object Technology, by Mr. K.T. Yew.

Mind seems to be strangely empty today. As if there's absolutely no feeling in me.

As if I'm a spectre, haunting the Earth, not fitting in with anyone, for they CANNOT see me.

Or it could be the fact that I didn't eat anything much for lunch.

In other news, I saw a HUGE crowd in front of the Bukit Jalil Stadium, around 7:35 a.m. At first, I thought it was for the Asian X-Games, which incidentally starts today, until I noticed the "Program Khidmat Negara" banners all over the place. Oh, and those banners were meant for Malaysia's National Service.

Obviously, a lot of people were going places, and fortunately (or unfortunately? You decide.) I wasn't.

Still, I wonder if I would've fared better in another place, instead of here in Malaysia.

Looking at some aspects, we've got a lot to do. And sometimes, we're not even sure if we can get everything done in time.

In other cases, religion has become an object of satire and hatred. I've been to a few places where religious issues are debated heavily to the extent that name-calling, threatening, and much worse, killing, occur.

And you don't really have to physically kill a person nowadays; stiffling his or her thought processes by abolishing conscious thought is almost commonplace. Plus, there are other ways, which may be beyond the scope of this discussion.

Which brings up one question: WHAT THE HECK IS HUMANITY DOING TO ITSELF?

They're destroying themselves, for lack of a better word.

Saviour-V wheels round to find GemWing, resplendent in all her finery...

And there are times we don't even realize it. GemWing, what do you think?

I'd say that we can only advise others against acting this way, even though we risk being hated by all parties involved in this NASTY mess.

There's a limit to advice, though...

And are you going to give up because no one will listen, Saviour-V?

I KNOW YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT!!

Saviour-V is momentarily stunned for a moment, as GemWing continues...

You see, Saviour-V, the words of such people are merely the words of the minority that thinks it's the majority, when in true fact, they're only the minority of an even GREATER majority. There will be people who WILL listen; give humanity its time, and we'll make it, I'm sure.

I hope you're right, GemWing...

Saviour-V sighs exasperatedly...

...because we're practically exterminating ourselves if we allow that minority to pervail.

Remember WHY you're here, Saviour-V. You've got a mission that you must fulfill, and you WILL fulfill it, no matter what others say.

Then, it's up to me, and people like me, to ensure that it stays fulfilled, I believe.

Precisely.

GemWing winks at Saviour-V for a moment, before teleporting out...

There are times I wonder if all our efforts will be enough.

Just reviewing the previous two posts. Corrected them a bit.

And looking at the "Yu" Kanji (Chinese character) below, it reminds me of a true hero, strangely enough.

The Kanji for man, otoko, makes up the lower half of this character. That's the part starting from the "crossed window" and ending with the ka that makes up the bottom half.

The upper half reminds me of either a crest or halo, somewhat.

Now, does anyone here speak and write Japanese well enough? Do drop a comment with your knowledge on the whole Kanji, if you can. I'd really appreciate it.

Besides, I still have to learn a LOT of Japanese...^_^;;

Current Music: "Blazing Internet - Fire Man's Stage" (Mega Man: Network Transmission)

See the previous post below for the URL that leads to the MP3 archive where I found this.

Just got back from a quiz, and here's the result:


Heroic Courage: You are a very brave person who
puts others before yourself, believes in
helping those in need. People would consider
you noble and caring, and someone to always
count on.


Which Characteristic From the Samurai Code Matches You Best? (You may find out your best trait)
brought to you by Quizilla

Hmmm, I never knew. Unmei, ka? (Is it destiny?)

Current Music: "Legendary WWW Area - Pharoah Man's Stage" (Mega Man: Network Transmission)

It's located at the following URL: Rockman / Mega Man MP3 Archive.

And IMHO, it's got a bit of the old music I used to enjoy from Rockman 4...^_^;; Nice pseudo-Egyptian-techno feel, somewhat.

Hotmail's finally become active again, after 2 days of a possible Denial Of Service attack. At least, that's what I THINK happened within that time. Couldn't access my Hotmail within that time.

Miss Dhora / Pearl, thanks for coming by. Believe me, I've found your presence here (and elsewhere too...^_^;;) to be quite comforting. I read your blog, and the blogs of your two friends, but I can only say this to them (and everyone else): HAVE FAITH.

Sometimes, you don't know how Fate will go when it comes to matters of the heart, regardless of whether it's love or otherwise. Perhaps the coin may turn up heads in your favour, or tails against your favour.

RARELY will it ever end up on its side. This is an aspect of Fate reserved for miracles, or acts of God, if you prefer the term. But you never know.

In other news, Monday was Orientation Day #1 for my Degree, and tomorrow will be Orientation Day #2. With regards to the first day, I'd say it wasn't so bad, except that I was really feeling lonely, being on my own for the first time in Bukit Jalil.

Solitude can do strange things to a person...and believe me, singing songs from 80s-style TV shows and advertisements COUNTS against a lonely person, myself included.

It's NOT pretty at all.

Anyway, for those of you intent on listening to music as you read blog entries, consider the following URL:

Rockman / Mega Man Soundtrack Archive.

My personal favourites include "Underground - Tunnel Base Stage" (Rockman X7 Original Soundtrack - Track 5), "Mod Electric Wave - Radio Tower Stage" (Track 6 of the same album), and "Spark and Shadow ~Power Plant Stage~" (Rockman X Arranged - Track 7).

But do feel free to check out the other tunes elsewhere; just don't link directly to the music. Have a heart, comrades.

Degree's going to begin next morning.

And why, might I ask, are you sticking around in a cybercafe when you should be sleeping, Saviour-V?

Saviour-V wheels round to find that GemWing has just appeared...

Let's just say I needed some time to check out an old haunting place...the city of Sri Petaling, where I ended up 4 years ago. The place has changed, evidently.

And so have you, Saviour-V. Don't undermine yourself by living in the past for too long, OK?

GemWing grins for a moment as she says this, and teleports out in a wink!

Point. There's a lot to do.

Oh, and in case Malaysians (or a few Singaporeans too...^_^;;) want to know what time this entry is, it's at 23:07, February 8th, 2004. On a Sunday night, right after I got back to my apartment. I wonder why I ended up in this old cybercafe, anyway...^_^;;

GOOD NIGHT!

Saviour-V yawns, and teleports out...

Just an unrelated add-on.

Sure enough that IRC and other instant messengers can help you meet new people, but human contact is irreplaceable.

Albeit a short one, I'm glad I showed up on IRC for the past few months, even though not much has changed since my last visit a few years ago.

Of course, it also depends on WHERE you search for friends...^_^;;

Otherwise, use these tools merely to bridge the gap between you and your friends, and make it a point to meet them physically. In that way, you will appreciate them more.

Degree's closing in.

Feeling unprepared.

NERVOUS? You bet.

Fear is as natural as it can get. Trust takes a certain amount of bravery to believe in someone, although all signs may point otherwise.

Which is moderately difficult to obtain.

The human spirit still remains an enigma. Some people justify their actions by committing meaningless acts of misery and stupidity, while some just go with the flow, and do nothing at all. There are also the heroes who are willing to make a stand for their rights.

But how can we tell what moves may be made throughout life? That largely depends on the individual. We can only pray that he or she may be given guidance to a certain extent.

A moment of silence for today.

In memory of a friend's mother. May Allah bless her, always.

She died of cancer, at 20:30 Malaysian time, on Friday, 30th January 2004. She put up a valiant fight throughout the 4 years that she ended up with it.

I only received this news around 00:38 Malaysian time today, but I couldn't relay this to my family since I was elsewhere at the time.

From Allah we come, and to Him we'll return.

May she be granted a good place in Heaven.

Just read PE's comment on my previous entry.

There are times when I can convince myself that I'm doing the right thing, but there are times that I end up with foot-in-mouth disease, a.k.a. the dreaded faux pas that occurs a few times.

Sometimes, I can take it, but there are times that I wonder if I really mean what I say. I have been crude to some people, without realizing it until they distance themselves from me for quite some time. And when I do, it's usually too late to apologize.

There are also times that I can make myself worry about the state of the world today, and feel completely drained as a result of that fear. And times when I resist the fear long enough to take a stand, no matter what the outcome is.

Ahh, the wonders of being human. Sometimes, you wonder if your life is being lived as it should be.

Heh. Saviour-V, you know yourself better.

Saviour-V glances round to find the comforting presence of his Guardian Spirit beside him...

Ahhh, GemWing. I was beginning to get worried that you wouldn't show up.

You can't depend on me for too long, Saviour-V. As much as you'd like someone like me, humanity's construction is often imperfect, and that's what makes you all much better than me.

So you heard. Perhaps Uncle Ishak was somewhat correct in his Freudian analysis.

If you desire me too much, you may cease to become human yourself. A human has the usual fears and needs, that require intervention, Godly or otherwise.

Though I wish I didn't have to rely on such weaknesses, GemWing....

Don't you see? Those are what actually STRENGTHEN you. You created me in your own mind, without those limitations, but as a result, I am FLAWED because of my perfection.

So it seems. However, I hope that I can still have you beside me until the choice occurs.

But who can tell? There's still a long way to go.

Yes, indeed.

I can only pray that God will bless you, Saviour-V. You have much to learn before you can evolve fully. Perhaps then, you may find my physical form amongst mankind, and at that time, you'll have realized your TRUE potential.

So saying, GemWing teleports out....

I really hope so.