Monday, January 13, 2003

Well, shortly after a minor exchange with a comrade from long ago, albeit a young one, plus my father's advice afterward, I must say that a few things are going to happen.

A bit of history though....after my sister passed away, my life ended up on an express trip to Melancholia; a place were hopes and dreams go to die. That is where I found out a mere fraction about Fate's Scythe. Yet, it changed my life, for the worst!

It was difficult to focus on life thereafter, having felt that Fate's Scythe would always pursue me, no matter where I went. Around then, I believed that if I helped out people a lot, in any way possible, I could keep Fate's Scythe off my head, and away from my family and closest friends.

For something more or less imaginary (yes, the Scythe DOES exist, but it's job is different than what I'd usually know it for), I believed in its influence for a very long time.

That feeling came from a severe amount of loneliness, which is tough for me to adjust to, even now.

But, I must.

Accurately, I WILL get over the feeling of Death that I've gotten accustomed to, and finish off my life in the best way possible.

We are all actors on a stage, manipulated by the Creator himself, but the roles we play are unknown, even to us.

Some of us will have to cope with sacrifices on their behalf; Eisu lost his father, and so did Gen. They both managed to overcome their grief, but I'm still struggling to come to terms with mine.

Personally, I thank the former for mentioning that I possessed "false pride". Perhaps, you were right. Though I myself genuinely don't know how.

If I knew how Fate and God filtered properly into our lives, I would have a much better picture on Life than I already do.

And this is what I intend to accomplish. To this end, I will continue to research and obtain knowledge and wisdom about the Earth and humanity, and of God, for He is the One Who Owns All Knowledge.

If anyone asks for my advice, I will give it to them, but only if they genuinely need it. I do NOT intend to let my emotions get in the way again.

In addition, to Eisu, Aimo, and Zid, I'm deliberately going to forget about the 3 of you. But don't get me wrong.

Because, the first time, I foolishly believed that I was your equal, your friend, even, but I was proven wrong. That indicates that I'm not worthy of holding an audience with experts just yet, for I lack enough wisdom to be one myself.

Therefore, I will forget about your comments against me, and any memories (good or bad) that have occurred before, and the next time I see any of you, it will be as if we first met. No bias against each other, a clean slate, if you prefer.

I hope that God grants me this, and that you all will forget about me, until He calls for us to properly sit down and exchange pleasantries on a proper level. I genuinely wish that we could've been friends, but for now, we part as mere acquaintances. You all don't know me much, and neither do I know much about you all.

Therefore, I leave it to His Judgement to decide whether we will meet a second time. I look forward to that day.

On that day, we will discuss some affairs that actually relate to us overall.

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